There is a woman at my workplace who has apparently developed a new habit – trolling other departments looking for free food. Wednesday was Administrative Professionals Day, so we brought in sandwich trays, fruit and desserts as an appreciation lunch for the admin staff in our department. Prior to lunch we were storing the food on a table that is squarely in the middle of our cubicle area. If you do not work in our department, there is no reason for you to be walking past it. Yet there she was, lurking, lifting the lids on all the dessert containers. I sat in my cube and watched her with the full intention of saying something if she started to help herself, but she walked away so I thought that was that. Come to find out, she DID help herself once we moved all the food to our conference room at lunchtime. Apparently she waltzed in after we all got our plates and took a few pieces of cake. WTF?

Then today one of the guys I work with brought a box of donuts to share WITH OUR DEPARTMENT. It was a smallish box, clearly only enough for a handful of people, and it was placed on the aforementioned central table. Food Stealing Lady walks past when there are 3 donuts left. She takes two of them. She then continues on her merry way to the next department over. They also have brought breakfast FOR THEIR DEPARTMENT, which they have conveniently located in the cubicle of a person who is out of the office. FSL enters said cube and fills a plate with the foodstuffs located therein. This department’s manager watches the whole thing, but says nothing because she is totally stupefied. AS AM I.

Who does this? If the food is located in our common breakroom then hey, help yourself. It’s fair game and I’ll probably be right behind you. But this food she’s taking is clearly located within each individual department’s area. And this woman works at the total opposite end of our building, nowhere near us. She doesn’t work with anyone in our area, and there is really no reason for her to be over here. In fact, although she has worked here for quite some time I have never seen her until this week (I had to ask a co-worker who she was, but I do recognize her name as a longtime employee) so I don’t think that she has always done this. Exactly what is going on here? Has she had a change in economic status that renders her unable to purchase her own food? I’m broke too but you don’t see me wandering my office building looking for handouts. I just don’t get it, yet I am strangely fascinated. What will she take next? Is she the one who stole my Lean Cuisine from the breakroom freezer? Is nothing safe?

*****

Dear Left Eyeball:

Were you feeling left out last week? I realize that my right eye was getting all the attention, since the raging case of pinkeye caused it to swell almost completely shut at one point. You did try to get in on the action, but you were too slow as I was already in possession of antibiotic drops. I thought I had nipped your attempt at infection right in the bud. But alas, it seems that you have exacted your revenge. This morning I put in my contacts before I noticed your slight twinge of redness. I tried to ignore you but you were persistent. You got increasingly more red and irritated as the morning wore on. You got your wish, Left Eyeball. I am now wearing my glasses once again. This time you get to be the star, calling attention to yourself by turning a nuclear shade of red. But don’t get too smug. I still have those antibiotic eyedrops in my purse.

Sincerely,
Your Host Body

*****

I mentioned yesterday that Miss T is rolling over. She has also started giggling like a tiny little maniac if you can get her going. We managed to capture both on video yesterday. I dare you to watch this video without smiling. You cannot. Just try it.