While talking with a friend today we got on the subject of pet names (for your significant other, not the domesticated animals living at your house) and terms of endearment.  And all of a sudden realization dawned:  N does not have pet names or sweet little terms that he uses for me.  Oh, yes, he has nicknames for me.  But are any of them endearing?  

He refers to me as The Wife on his blog.  Which is fine because after all, that’s what I am.  He’s consistent and calls the kids The Boy and The Girl so this doesn’t bother me in the slightest.  However, when I got to thinking about it I began to wonder how he gets my attention at home.  He doesn’t call me by name.  In fact, when he DOES use my name it is because A) there is some sort of emergency requiring my immediate attention or B) I’m in trouble.

After some thought, I was able to come up with a few things that he calls me.  Notice that “sweetie” and “honey” and “babe” are nowhere on the list.  Of course, thankfully neither is “hey you”.

• Wife.  Not The Wife, like his blog terminology.  Just like hey, Wife, come here for a second.  Does this bother me?  Not really.  It is better than calling me “Woman” I suppose.
• K-Dawg.  Please, please DO NOT ASK.  Mostly because I wouldn’t be able to come up with a reasonable explanation.  He doesn’t really use this in conversation, it’s more likely to be his greeting in an e-mail.  And it is also how I am programmed in his cell phone.
• Big Unit.  This one is by far the most irritating of the bunch!  And yes, if this Big Unit immediately comes to mind, you hit the nail on the head.  One day I commented on what a stupid nickname that is for a baseball player and GUESS WHAT.  If your husband is like mine, you should never do that unless you would also like to be saddled with such an unfortunate moniker.  Fortunately for him, he was smart enough to cease and desist while I was pregnant.
• Dear.  This is always, and ONLY, used as sarcasm.  As in, why, yes, DEAR, I will be happy to drive halfway across town to get you coffee from Starbucks.  How did you know that is what I have been longing to do?

It doesn’t really bother me that he doesn’t have cutesy nicknames for me, but it would be nice for him to use something a little more loving and romantic on occasion.  Oh well, as far as I can remember he never has and at this point I would probably be a little suspicious if he was to suddenly start.  You know?

So what do I call him, you ask?  Nothing terribly special or even clever.  My names for him consist of the oh-so-original “honey”, “sweetie” and “babe”.  Sometimes “baby doll”.  And also, HIS NAME.  Creative, no?  Perhaps I should work harder at coming up with some smart-ass terms for him.  Any suggestions?  “Buttmunch” springs to mind.