Usually when I get the monthly analytics report for this blog, it contains seventy thousand variations on “soccer mom”, which does not come as a surprise.  “Not a soccer mom”, “soccer mom car”, “soccermom”, that sort of thing.  Often there will be something like “I scored a soccer mom”, which, HAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

This month I had a few that were a little different:

• “can’t stand soccer moms” – I KNOW.  That is like, the WHOLE POINT of this blog, right?  Welcome, Mystery Googler.  We shall despise stereotypical soccer moms together.
• “non soccer mom hairstyle” – I’m not entirely sure what to make of this one.  Presumably someone is trying to avoid looking like a soccer mom, but to that I say, avoid visors and sleeveless polo-style shirts and you should be golden.
• “soccer moms ruin halloween” -  Hmm.  That seems harsh, but I bet it is an interesting story.

I also had several related to wine, which is not surprising:

• “ste genevieve red wine room temp or chilled” – My advice is, NOT AT ALL.  That shit is nasty however you drink it.  Run fast, run far.
• “2008 pink truck wine” – This one I highly recommend.  Get thee to your local H-E-B.
• “genevieve sweet red texas” – I told you, it is gross.  Don’t waste your $4.

Then there are the movie-related ones:

• “is the ring scary during the day?” – Yes.
• “super scary movie that will scare my sister” – See above re:  The Ring.  I think it gave my sister nightmares, although I must say that while fun, it is kind of mean to set out to scare your own sister.
• “who’s the bad guy in max payne movie” – Well, if I told you it would spoil the movie.  However, I will say that it is not hard to figure out.
• “payjen movies” – I have no idea what that is.
• “soccer is like watching the blair witch project for the sixth time” – I…what?  I have watched soccer, and I have seen The Blair Witch Project (although probably only two or three times), and I simply do not see the connection between the two.  Maybe I should watch the movie several more times?

And then there are the outliers, which are often the most amusing by far:

• “clicking sound at night poltergeist” – It very well may be.  If your TV starts to snow, you might consider an exorcism.
• “hurgly gurgly” – Hee hee.
• “mommy underwear swim blog” – I can’t even comment.  I’m too busy laughing.  Who googles stuff like this?
• “polar opposite” – Oh, you’ve met my husband, then?
• “i say stabby stabby and then you say?” – Is this a movie quote?  I do not know, but I have been told that “stabby” is not actually a word.