But does that stop me from publishing it now?  No it does not.  I’m wondering why I even have categories on this blog.  Pretty much everything gets funneled straight into “general pointlessness”.  My tagline should be “Hopelessly random and pointless”.  It’s a sad state of affairs.

Anyway, I was clearing out some very old unpublished posts I discovered and decided to go ahead and combine some of it for one big festival of random pointless specialness.  You are welcome.

*****

Due to a series of unfortunate circumstances, I have a new keyboard on my computer at work.  And while at first I was excited – because my old keyboard had half a spacebar and a backspace key where the other half should be, which is both stupid and wrong – this new stealth keyboard is no good either. The clackiness ratio is all off!  I enjoy a nice clickety keyboard.  I like to type fast, and hard, and GET MY ANGER OUT WITH EXCESSIVE USE OF CAPS LOCK AND FORCE.  AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!  Now, no matter how angrily or quickly I type, nada.  No satisfying clacking whatsoever, and the keys don’t feel right.  Gooshy instead of clicky!  As BB said (or rather, instant messaged from HER nice clickety keyboard) it isn’t helping the already library-like work environment of our cube farm.  She followed that observation loud and clear with BUT NOT ME, HEAR ME TYPE BIOTCHES!!  Hee!

Of course, I’m inclined to think that maybe the new keyboards are stealthy on purpose.  Because you know, loud typing can apparently be distracting to those around you.  Or so I’m told, because quite frankly I am not bothered by (or even aware of) that sort of ambient noise.  In fact, I find dead silence far more distracting.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again:  IF YOU ARE DISTRACTED BY TYPING, PERHAPS THE PROBLEM IS NOT YOUR CUBE NEIGHBOR.  MAYBE IT IS YOU.  LEARN TO COPE.

Hopelessly pointless update:  My keyboard is not quite as stealth as when I first got it.  Undoubtedly due to my vigorous typing and angry banging.

*****

We’re out of coffee stirrers in the break room.  Not a big deal, I suppose, although now we have the Community Stirring Fork.  Which is just funny, and probably not all that sanitary.

Hopelessly pointless update:  They ordered more coffee stirrers.

*****

Do you ever have one of those mornings where you know the day is going to drag on forever?  I knew that was going to be the case within five minutes of logging into my computer this morning.  If I only get 3 e-mails over the weekend, that means Monday is going to drag on forever.  (But I have enough work to do, Universe!  NOT COMPLAINING NOT COMPLAINING.  Merely stating FACT.)

I wasn’t the only person that thought today was long.  I had the following e-mail exchange with my husband starting at 2:30 this afternoon:

Me: OMG, how is it only 2:30? HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?

N: In media where the velocities are nowhere near the speed of light, time progresses in a linear and relatively consistent fashion. If you’d like to reach the end of the workday faster, you need to speed up (a lot).
(Yeah, it’s dragging for me too.)

Me: So what you’re saying is, in order for it to be 4:30 I need to learn to move at the speed of light. Well, that should be do-able. I have plenty of things I could and probably should be doing, yet I do not want to do them at all. POOP I say. What is our plan for tonight? It doesn’t look like my Netflix movie will be here, sadly.

N: I don’t know. No plan. Dinner at some point. Sleep would be nice.

Me: What’s it like, being such a goddamn smart-ass all the time? Is it awesome?

N: Yep.

Folks, that’s my husband.  He should count himself as lucky that I haven’t strangled him yet.

Hopelessly pointless update:  My husband is still a world class smart-ass.  Hey!  That rhymed.

*****

Irony:  When the sardine-eating coworker takes offense to other, normal lunch smells.

Hopelessly pointless update:  Sardines = still gross.