I look forward to the end of the month, because I get my referral stats from Google Analytics (also because that’s when I get my paycheck, but you know.  It’s the little things.)  The keyword searches always make me laugh, and January’s were no exception.

Apparently last month people were trolling the internet for the following:

• “Ashley Olsen bangs” – I am almost entirely certain that I have never written about Ashley Olsen on this blog.  Or Mary Kate, for that matter.
• “any topic under the sun” – I do, however, write about that.
• “burgundy hair” – Check.  Although it’s faded to a more natural auburn now, clearly indicating that it’s time for a touch-up.  Well, that and the blonde roots.  Classy!
• “cake wrecks annoying” – Actually, I think Cake Wrecks is pretty hilarious.
• “Danny Glover speech impediment” – Only in that crappy movie with Mark Wahlberg, apparently, because I saw him in something filmed after that and he was speaking normally.
• “happy birthday my husband” – Why do people Google stuff like this?  I mean really.
• “how to sign the emotion stabby” – Since it isn’t actually a word, I imagine you’d have to finger spell it instead.
• “I belong to none” -  ?  That’s…good?
• “leftover donuts: to refrigerate or not” – To be or not to be, that really is the question, isn’t it?
• “meme zoo” – What does that even mean?
• “nasty things that don’t belong together” – hahahahaha
• “parentheses supplemental” – Yes indeed, parentheses are often used to convey supplemental information.
• “poltergeist mommy sounds” – I have no idea what kind of sounds those might be.  From what I recall, the mom in Poltergeist mostly did a lot of screaming and crying.
• “sleeping patterns for deer” – I laughed loud at this.  Just…hahahaha.  Also, WTF.
• “soccer mom coat” – I’m not sure what kind of coat this is, but I’m willing to bet that it’s frumpy.  And possibly paired with a visor.
• “song the conversation by garfield” – I’m not sure what this person was looking for, but am pretty sure they found this post.  I hope it helped you, Mystery Googler.  Because that’s what I’m here for.  To help.