I suppose that some people are easily swayed by TV commercials, promotional gimmicks, magazine ads, pushy salespeople and the like.  Unfortunately for the marketing world at large, I am not one of these people.

Scene:  At home, around 9:15 p.m. on a weeknight.  My cell phone rings, from a number I don’t recognize.  I answer anyway.

Local cable provider sales guy:  Hello, Ms. [Totally Botched Attempt at Pronouncing My Last Name]!  How are you this evening?

Me:  It’s [Correct Pronunciation of My Last Name].  I’m fine, thanks.

LCPSG:  Well, I’m calling to let you know about our special offer!  Right now, if you sign up for our long-distance service-

Me:  Stop right there.  We don’t have a land line.

LCPSG:  I’m sorry?

Me:  No land line.  I’m not interested in any sort of long-distance package.

LCPSG:  Oh.  I see.  Well is there something else you would be interested in?

Me:  Only if you can lower my current bill and keep my cable and internet package exactly the same.

LCPSG:  Hmm.  Let me see what you have here…it seems the only package I can offer is the long-distance, which is an excellent deal at-

Me:  I’m really not interested, thank you.

LCPSG:  But you really can’t beat a deal like this!

Me:  Sure I can.  By not having a land line.

LCPSG:  [pause]  Well okay!  Have a nice night!

*****

Scene:  On the phone with the company that comes to fertilize our lawn every quarter, something I’ve been intending to cancel for ages.

Customer service rep:  Hello, Ms. [Totally Botched Attempt at Pronouncing My Last Name].  This is Joan.

Me:  Hi, Joan.  I’m calling to cancel our treatment service.

Joan:  I see.  Have you been dissatisfied with the service at all?

Me:  Nope.  Just want to cancel it.

Joan:  May I ask why?

Me:  Because it’s expensive, and we don’t really need it, and we’re trying to save money wherever we can.

Joan:  Oh.  Well, is there anything I can do to keep you as a customer?

Me:  I doubt it.  I just want to cancel.

Joan:  I can offer you half off your next treatment.

Me:  No, thank you.  Just cancel, please.

Joan:  Maybe you would just like to cut the service back to twice a year?

Me:  Nope.  Zero times a year.  I would like to cancel, please.

Joan:  [sighs]  Okay.  Hold on a moment, let me get your cancellation confirmation number.