Back when I actually had time to go to the movies, I used to love the Oscars.  I’d be all excited about it for the entire week before, and would be glued to the TV from the red carpet pre-show all the way until they announced Best Picture.

Today, though, I find that I simply do not give a rat’s ass.  Not one measly rat, or his tiny little ass.  Would you like to know the last movie I saw in the theater?  Why, I’ll tell you.  It was Star Trek.  Seriously.  And not only am I not interested in the Oscars (I don’t even know who’s hosting this year), but I was actively pissed off at the gym earlier, when the pre-show was playing at volume eleventy-billion and twelve and I didn’t have the option not to hear it.  (Side note:  when I can clearly hear the TV over Rob Zombie playing millimeters from my eardrums, the TV is TOO LOUD.)

So.  What would be the point of me watching the Oscars?  I have seen exactly zero of the movies that they’re all geeked up about.  I never made it to Avatar, I barely know the basic premise of The Hurt Locker.  Not a consistent Tarantino fan, so I’m not interested in Inglourious Basterds.  I haven’t even watched Up, and we own the DVD.

Because I Do. Not. Care.  I’ve never really cared about the fashion aspect of it.  I mean, yeah, some of the dresses are wild and others are gorgeous and the stars all look fantastic but what purpose does this serve to me?  None, really, except to remind me that  a) I will never be a movie star and b) I will never be that rich.  I’ll catch up with the style in the post-Oscars issue of People magazine.

So when you knock that aspect out, what’s left?  Oh yeah, the movies.

I’m not sure when I stopped caring so much about movies in general.  I used to work at a movie theater, for crying out loud!  I saw pretty much every movie that was released during that time, often before the opening date!  I can sing the closing music for any move released in the late 1990s!  I have an entire category of this blog devoted to movie reviews!

I think that these days I’m just a lot less willing to get out of my Movie Genre Comfort Zone.  My down time is limited, so I’m not really willing to potentially waste it, you know?  Why would I want to devote 3+ hours of my life for Avatar (which, admittedly, I would probably love), when I could be using that time for other things?  Like sleeping?  Or drinking wine?  Or Netflixing movies that I know I’ll enjoy, like Wolverine?  Or, um, Resident Evil.  ANYWAY.  I do have a point (sort of) and here it is:

I’m old and crabby.  And clearly, I’m wholly intolerant of your Oscar-worthy film making.  Now get the hell off my lawn.