Scene:  After dinner, at my parents’ house in the swamp.  One of my grandmas is trying to jog the other one’s memory.

Grandma: You know.  Helen.  She’s Bill’s cousin’s wife.

Mee-Mee: [thinking]  Hmm.  No, I don’t think I know her.

Grandma: Yes, yes you do.  Helen Smith!  She used to go to your church.

Mee-Mee: [confused]  No…?  I…I just don’t remember her.

Grandma: [gearing up for a long, drawn-out story that will undoubtedly be pointless]  Well-

Aunt Glo: [rolling her eyes]  Oh, please.  Bottom line?  She’s dead.

Me: [unable to keep from laughing hysterically]

N: [also laughing hysterically]

AE: [always the voice of reason] I don’t think that’s appropriate.

*****

Scene:  Our bedroom.  Miss T is using the bed as her personal trampoline.

Me: Hey!  No jumping on the bed, please.

Miss T: I jump on bed!  Is tamp-o-een.

Me: No.  No, it is NOT a trampoline.  It’s a bed.  For sleeping.

Miss T: [still jumping]  Fo seeping?

Me: Yes.  For sleeping.  Not jumping.

Miss T: [thinking it over]  Is tamp-o-een!

Me: No, it isn’t.  Come on, let’s go play in the living room.  No more jumping.  Come on, now.

Miss T: [waving and jumping]  Bye-bye, Mama!  Mama go play dollhouse!  See oo yater!

N: I think she just told you to get lost.

Me: I believe she did.

Miss T: [jumping and grinning]  Bye!

*****

Scene:  Reminiscing as we drive around the swamp, late Saturday evening.

Me: There’s Dairy Bar.  Man, it looks exactly the same.

N: That place is nasty.  I didn’t set foot in there until I was a teenager, then I turned around and walked right back out.

Me: Well, we used to eat there all the time when I was growing up.  Because it was so close to the house, I guess.  [pointing out window]  We used to live right over there.

N: [puzzled]  What?  Goddamn, how many places did you live growing up?  I thought you lived over there.  [pointing in the opposite direction]

Me: [also puzzled]  What are you talking about?  We never lived over there.  Why would you think we lived over there?

N: [indignant]  Because you told me that you lived over there.  We drove past it one day!

Me: Noooo, I don’t think so.

N: Yes!  Yes, why would I make up something like that?  You told me you lived over there!!

Me: Why would I make up something like THAT? It isn’t TRUE!!  We never lived anywhere near there!

N: I think you did.

Me: For God’s sake, man.  I may be forgetful, but I don’t think I would be wrong about the location of my childhood home!

N: Maybe you had a friend or something that lived over there?

Me: No.  No one.  At no point did I, or anyone I know, live in that neighborhood.  I just don’t have any clue where you’re coming up with this.

N: [pulling into my parents’ driveway]  We’ll settle this.  I’ll ask your mother.  She’ll know.

Me: I don’t need to ask my mother.  I know!  We never lived over there!

N: I think you did.

Me: GAH!!