Of insanity, that is.  Because sometimes it feels like I’m teetering there.

Scene:  Kitchen table.  I’m having a sandwich.  Miss T is finishing her (second) dinner (waffles) (don’t judge me) when my mother calls to update me on my grandmother (who was admitted to the hospital for  observation last night).  The boys are at baseball practice.

iPhone: [playing Metallica’s Enter Sandman]

Me: Hello?

Mom: Hello!

Miss T: Is Nonna?  Nonna on phone?

Me: [nodding]  Yes, Nonna.  Shh.

Mom: …the doctor says that Mother has 80%…

Miss T: [very loudly]  HELLO, NONNA!

Mom: [now on speakerphone ]  Hello, sweetie!  How’s my little girl?

Miss T: [taking gigantic bite of waffle]  Ogoomshmshmshwffle.

Mom: What?

Me: [turning off speakerphone] She says she’s eating a waffle.

Mom: [laughing]  Ah.  Well anyway, they’re going to do an MRI tomorrow and they…

Miss T: [removing the huge half-chewed bite of waffle from her mouth] I don’t like it.

Mom: …medication can cause a mini-stroke…

Me: OH GROSS.  Sorry, Mom.  GROSS, please don’t do that.  Leave the waffle in your mouth.

Mom: [laughing]

Miss T: But I don’t like it!

Me: You don’t like it  because it’s wet and half-chewed!  Of course it’s nasty now!  [taking the wad o’ waffle with a napkin]

Mom: Let me give you Mother’s direct room number so you can call her tomorrow.  Do you have a pen?

Me: A pen?  No, I have a handful of partially masticated waffle.

Mom: Ha ha, well, then I’ll send you an e-mail in the morning.  By the way-

Miss T: Is Lindsey?  Lindsey on phone?

Me: [trying to ignore loud toddler]  What?

Mom: …this weekend and at the house…

Miss T: LINDSEY!  I WAN MY LINDSEY!  MY LINDSEY!  WAN MY LINDSEY!  LINDSEY ON PHONE?

Me: It’s still Nonna on the phone!  How would it be Lindsey?

Mom: Who is Lindsey?

Me: The babysitter.  So-

Miss T: IS NONNA ON PHONE?  I WAN MY NONNA!  NONNA?  WHERE IS NONNA?  I WAN MY NONNA!

Mom: [laughing]

Me: OH MY GOD.

Mom: I’ll let you go.  Tell my sweetie bye for me.

Me: [turning on speakerphone]  Here, you’re on speaker.

Mom: Bye bye, my sweet girl.  I love you!

Miss T: …

Mom: Is she still there?

Me: Apparently NOW she’s going to be quiet.  Talk to you later, Mom.

Mom: Bye!  [hangs up]

Miss T: WHERE MY NONNA GO?  I WAN TO TALK TO NONNA.