1.  What possessed my son to spit on the bathroom floor tonight.  (In his defense, he did it without thinking and was almost as horrified as me.  “I’m so sorry, Mom!!”  Tell it to the gypsies, kid.)

2.  How someone walked off with my car keys after leaving the child care at the gym and did not notice for almost 10 minutes.  What is it that you were doing on the way to your car, lady?  The parking lot isn’t that big.

3.  Why it is that my daughter can take 394732893578540 hours to eat one cereal bar and a handful of Craisins.

4.  This.  Holy Mary, Mother of God, I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS:

Why?  WHYYYYYYYYYYYY is my dryer doing this to my clothes?!  No, why is my dryer doing this to ME?  Maybe it is possessed too.  It’s the only thing I can come up with as to why a years-old dryer with no obvious flaw or recent damage is suddenly eating drawstrings and tumbling my clean laundry into a GIANT EFFING KNOT.  Yes.  Demonic possession.  It’s the only reasonable explanation.

5.  Why at work I am either swamped or completely dead.  It’s either WORK WORK WORK NOW NOW NOW OMG HURRY UP FASTER HURRYHURRYTHINGSAREBURSTINGINTOFLAMES or I don’t get a single e-mail or phone call all day.  PLEASE TO EXPLAIN.

6.  How my memory is so shot, at the age of 31, that I cannot even remember the sixth thing that I don’t get.

7.  WHY MY DAUGHTER IS NOT ASLEEP YET OMFG.