Last week, in celebration of our 10th wedding anniversary, N and I took a 7-day cruise to the Caribbean on the Carnival Conquest. And IT. WAS. AWESOME. Wonderfully relaxing, and precisely what I needed after a looooooong semester of statistics and major stress. I truly couldn’t have asked for a more perfect vacation.
The boarding process is always rather lengthy and tedious so snobby traveling brat that I am, it isn’t really worth it to me to do anything less than a 7-day. It takes so long to get on the damn ship that I’d feel like half my time was gone already. I mean, come on. Look at this line!
But once you make it on board and past the required lifeboat drill, it’s all good. We were at sea the first two days, and it was weird not to have anything to DO. No one was calling “Moooooooom!”, there was no studying to be done, no one needed a drink or a snack or to be let outside or driven anywhere or ANYTHING. NO ONE needed me and I was able to just lay by the pool and relax. I put in my headphones and read a trashy novel with a Sex on the Beach by my side and it was GLORIOUS.
The first port was Montego Bay, Jamaica, which we really didn’t care for. We erred in deciding not to go on a shore excursion because I thought that you could just get off the ship and walk around by the port – I was thinking it was more like Cozumel, I guess, where there ARE plenty of shops and touristy things nearby. But no. Alas, in Jamaica there is NOTHING nearby but ghetto. So we waited forever and paid $30 to ride some “hop on, hop off” shuttle that was, shall we say, running on Island Time. ANYWAY, 3985783472913847 minutes later we got to the beach, but did not have our swimsuits NOR the $5 cash per person to get in. Because, again, I thought we’d be able to easily pop back on the ship and change/grab beach stuff. So, big fat FAIL, and we had to wait another 934568729348230 minutes for the “convenient” shuttle to return and pick us up, and we were being offered weed (or, N was anyway, either I wasn’t paying attention or they prefer to not to offer it to cranky, sweaty women) by loitering cab drivers all the while. Really, Jamaica kind of sucked. The people are incredibly pushy and it is very humid and rather dirty. Next time we’ll either do a shore excursion or not get off the ship at all. I’d be okay with that, as would N. I’ve actually been a few times before and don’t remember it being bad, to be totally fair, but this wasn’t the greatest of experiences. Fortunately, before a shuttle appeared to take us back, we encountered a sympathetic couple from our ship that spotted us the $10 entry fee for the beach so that at least we could walk around and take a few photos. Then we became the stupid tourists that go to the beach in a long dress (me) and with tennis shoes (N), and we kept getting harassed by some guy that really wanted us to pay for a ride on his glass-bottom boat but oh well. Live and learn. I must admit that the beaches are gorgeous, so that took some of the sting out I GUESS.
Grand Cayman, on the other hand, is heavenly. It was every bit as clean and gorgeous as I remembered from my previous visits. George Town is simply lovely, and N and I have decided we’ll definitely go back there for a longer stay someday. We did an excursion to the turtle farm in the morning, and found that they have completely redone it since the last time (which I guess isn’t surprising after a decade). They have an awesome facility now, with snorkeling and everything. We held lots of wee turtles, and we snorkeled, then we watched people swim with dolphins and had a delicious mango smoothie while we waited for the bus to pick us up. It was GREAT. After the excursion we went back into town and shopped, and I got a beautiful black coral necklace at Bernard Passman Gallery, where my mom had gotten a bracelet years ago (which we replaced on our honeymoon cruise because the cat ate it.) Then N went back in there while I was distracted and got me the matching earrings as an anniversary surprise. Grand Cayman is absolutely everything a tropical vacation should be. My only complaint is that we had to leave way too soon – we had to be back on board the ship by 3:30 p.m. in order to make it to Cozumel on time. Boo.
The last port was Cozumel, Mexico. (Did you know that it is an island? I did not. Cruises: fun and educational!) We’d gotten a shore excursion credit from Orbitz when we booked the trip so we were already lined up with an excursion weeks before we sailed. The ship didn’t get into port until 10 a.m. and we had to walk quite a way to meet our group at 10:30 but we made it. We had our own jeep, and there was only one other family of 4 doing the excursion, so lots of personal attention (especially since the other family didn’t seem interested in what was going on at all. In fact, we decided that they must not have understood what they were signing up for, they were so clueless about and seemingly annoyed by the entire process.) Once Jorge, our guide, verified that we were who we claimed to be (“You have a drivers’ license, yes? Okay, very good.”) we followed his jeep and took the scenic route to Punta Sur national park where we saw some Mayan ruins and got to snorkel. It wasn’t really relaxing because Jorge was ON A SCHEDULE, yo, but it was very fun. (Most exhausting snorkeling ever, if I’m being honest. I’m a strong swimmer but holy crap.) It was all quite beautiful. We had a really great time, and it was different than any shore excursion I’ve ever been on before. Very fun.
The last day was another spent at sea, with more lazing around, reading, napping, and of course eating all the delicious food a cruise ship has to offer. I really can’t convey how great a vacation this was for both N and me. For reals, y’all. If you’ve ever thought that a cruise might be a good way to rekindle your romance I can tell you firsthand that it certainly doesn’t hurt. It also makes a swell tenth anniversary gift to yourselves.
So. Absolutely phenomenal. Until we got the final bill for my bar tab. The end.
