It’s been weeks now since the election and I’m still not over it. I don’t know that I ever will be. Beyond the obvious heartbreak that this country apparently would rather have a racist, bigoted, misogynistic blowhard reality TV star in our highest office than a woman with a normal amount of political scandals in her past, I just wake up every day horrified anew. It’s like the Twilight Zone. It looks relatively like the life I used to have, the America I knew, but clearly it isn’t.

Neo-Nazis are being selected to some of the highest positions in the land. Phone calls with world leaders are happening off the record. Evidently there will be limited access by and virtually no transparency with the press . Oh, but there will be closed meetings with high-profile press members, in which our president-elect will rant about pictures showing his double chin. All the while, he is still tweeting insults and complaints like a child. He’s threatening freedom of speech. Immigrants and people of color and Muslims are scared for their futures. So is the LGBTQ community, and rightfully so. This should not happen. It is 2016 in America, a country founded on and known for its freedoms. What is happening to us? We’re going backwards. This is horrifying. I can’t even link to all the articles and tweets and news from the last few weeks because there’s too much. Not to mention the numerous conflicts of interest, because it seems that Trump is not going to back away from his business dealings as he should. Plus his apparent refusal to live in the White House full time, thereby costing taxpayers more money to protect him in New York. Oh, and his daughter Ivanka is attending transition meetings with world leaders for even more appalling conflicts of interest. I just. It’s too much. How is this happening?

I am aware that there was a large contingent of Trump voters who voted for him solely on the basis of anti-establishment. They wanted him in office to shake things up. To get away from traditional politics and really make a change. But is this what they intended? Are there Trump voters out there watching all of this unfold with the same horror I feel? For the future of our country, I certainly hope so. I have to believe they’re realizing the depth of their mistake. Not that it excuses voting for a childish man that is so obviously racist and uncaring of basic human and civil rights, but I know from personal experience that not all Trump voters are deplorable. Some of them are very good people, and though I will never agree with their choice in this matter, I have to believe that they truly didn’t think they were enabling the Neo-Nazis to take over this country. And yet.

I don’t even know what the point of this post is. I just needed a place to rant and put my feelings somewhere in more than 140 character snippets. So here it is. If things keep going as they are, there will probably be more at some point. In the meantime, hang in there America. We’ll get through this. We have to. Because there isn’t an alternative.