Here’s a couple excerpts of recent e-mail conversations between my sister and myself.  As you can see, we are clearly reasonable adults that discuss Very Important Matters with great regularity.  And as an added bonus, we are also politically correct.  Mom would be proud:

Sher:  [at 2:00 p.m.]  I am hating being at work right now. The next 2 hours must go QUICKLY.

Me:  Are you leaving at 4 for some reason? I have three hours left myself, went out to lunch with N so there goes leaving at 4:30. I hate the end of the day on Fridays too because people start sneaking out around 3:30 so by 4:30 NO ONE is left. And BB is out, and Clark W. Griswold went home sick, and WAH.

Sher:   OH HELL, I can’t add. 3 hours, Sher. There are THREE HOURS left. It suddenly feels like I will never ever get out of here. I hate it when everyone is gone but me. LAME.

Me:  Well that is depressing. Kind of like thinking it is Friday and then discovering OH CRAP it is Wednesday. Ahem. Not that that has ever happened to me.

Sher:  It IS depressing!!!  Yeah the thinking it is one day of the week when it is actually another day- that has also never happened to me…I really am so sick of typing I am about to vomit all over my computer screen.

Me:  Ha ha, I’m sorry. But that was funny.

Sher:  I have found that saying you are going to vomit on something always gets laugh. It’s just funny. Just like pooping on things.

*****

Me:  That [having dinner cooked for you] sounds like fun. Speaking of cooking, I hate it, the end. Perhaps I will work on inventing a magical pill that quells hunger and meets all nutritional requirements, and maintains weight to boot! I’m sure it will be a hot seller.

Sher:  OMG you would be a MILLIONAIRE. And then I could live off your wealth and quit this lame job that is making me go crosseyed and permanently damaging my spine.

Me:  Right? What’s wrong with your spine? Crappy desk chair, I assume. The cleaning people always lower mine. EVERY DAY. I have to raise it back to a comfortable level every single morning. ENOUGH.

Sher:  Yes, this damn chair. Starting to take a toll. I need something ergonimical. Why on earth do they feel the need to lower your chair? What purpose does that serve in cleaning? The cleaning people here always move my trashcan, but that makes more sense since they have to empty it. I don’t understand the chair thing. Leave a note asking them to explain their actions.

Me:  “Explain your actions with my chair, Cleaning Bitch.”

Sher:  Hahahahaha, but you might want to actually put: “Explique sus acciones con mi silla, la perra de limpiando.”

*****

Sher:  I love McDonalds apple pies. Saw an article: Best fast food (healthiest choices)- Chick-Fil-A, McDonalds, Taco Bell, Wendys, Subway. SWEET- all my favs. Except for Whataburger and Sonic- but they weren’t on either list- good or bad. But that could be because they are only a southern thing, I think. Anyway, this is like permission to eat fast food to me (I don’t think they intended it that way, but I’ll take it).

Me:  Yeeeeeeeeeah, I’m thinking that isn’t exactly what the article was getting at!! I bet it was saying that there are healthy choices available at those places, like the apples, yogurt, salads, etc. Probably not the fried apple pie!! But I read that once about Chick-fil-A myself and so yesterday when I had it I was all, this is practically HEALTH FOOD.

Sher:  Hahahaha, I can convince myself anything if it benefits what I WANT to do. “Oh sure, this Big Mac is good for me, that article SAID so.”

*****

Sher:  I am so sick of salesmen thinking they can just say “Hey I have a new customer, send some product to them” without telling me the address, contact info, ANYTHING. I am not a mind reader.

Me:  My job would be a LOT easier if I could read minds. Like leaps and bounds easier. Of course, I guess that could be said about a lot of things…I’m hungry for Taco Bell. Good thing it is health food!! 🙂

Sher:  I am not sure I would want to read some peoples’ minds. Yay for Taco Bell being health food!!! Go get you a bean and cheese burrito- 89 cents of DELICIOUSNESS.

Me:  [Some time later]  WELL. Taco Bell has discontinued the spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme!! GAH GAH GAH. so now I am having nachos, which is not really what I want. BAH. POO ON TACO BELL.

Sher:  I hate it when fast food places, well any restaurant really, discontinues certain food items! Stupid! I don’t care if I am the only person in America buying it! Sad for you. RIP spicy chicken crunchwrap supreme. Honestly, the only thing I really like at Taco Bell, or that I ever get is the aforementioned bean and cheese burrito. I just can’t get past how yummy and economical it is. Sometimes I get the side nachos, but they aren’t 59 cents anymore (and REALLY not worth much more than that) so I usually pass on that.

Me:  Yes, because it is ALWAYS something that I really liked! Like the Caribbean Chicken Pita at Chili’s, or the Caesar Chicken wrap that Taco Bell already screwed me over with. Or the egg salad sandwich at The Local! *shaking fist angrily at the universe*

Sher:  I just had an ice cream snickers bar- YUMMMMM. But a friggin $1!!! I remember when I used to get them in high school for 25 cents. Highway robbery.