I can sum up this little gem in two words:  WEIRD-ASS CRAP. Is that technically three words?  I guess.  Well, whatever.  You’ll see what I mean in a second here.

Rubber is the story of a homicidal tire with telekinetic abilities.  Yes, you read that right.

A tire.

That can use its mind to kill.

I really don’t think I need to go into a lot more detail, because the plot pretty much speaks for itself.  But I will give you a bit more because I’m nice like that.  Here be spoilers, but trust me when I say that should you decide to watch this movie it will be equally good whether you already know the ending or not.

So apparently this tire has been abandoned in the California desert, and some people are duped into going to watch a “movie” in said desert with binoculars and sleeping bags.  As they watch, the tire (named Robert for reasons that remain undisclosed by the plot) comes to life and wobbles around for awhile.  Then once it is good at rolling along without three other tires and a vehicle attached, it flattens a plastic bottle and seems to develop a taste for destruction.

As it toodles along looking for small mammals to kill, it sees (don’t ask me how, since tires do not actually HAVE EYEBALLS and apparently telekinetic movie versions are no exception) a beautiful woman stranded in a broken-down car and falls in love with her.  Anyway, the rest of the movie has to do with Robert’s obsession with this mysterious woman.  He follows her to a nearby motel, leaving a trail of headless bodies in his wake.  (The tire’s telekinetic ability works by exploding the victim’s head, don’t you know.)

Meanwhile, almost all of the hapless movie-goers have died as a result of poisoned food provided by the mysterious accountant.  Only one remains alive, a war veteran confined to a wheelchair.  He is bizarrely interested in the unfolding events, for reasons that are never really explained.  There’s also something about a man pretending to be a sheriff, along with his deputies, who obviously believe they are real members of law enforcement  but are really just as fake as the sheriff.

By the end of the movie, the object of Robert’s obsession is enlisted by the fake sheriff to assist in his destruction, by way of a contrived scenario involving a poorly-attired mannequin.  But the tire’s evil could not so easily be destroyed, so it simply moves into a tricycle.  (Because, of course.) As the movie closes, Robert the tricycle leads a pack of other small wheeled vehicles into Hollywood.

And that’s it.  I realize that this synopsis makes little to no sense but that’s a direct result of the movie, not my summary skills.

I’d like to think that I missed something, that maybe there was a plot and I just didn’t get it.  But I think in order to “get” this movie you’d have to be high.  (And upon re-reading this, my attempt at a synopsis does makes it appear as though *I* am high.)  But it was just nonsense.  A jacked-up incoherent mess.  The special effects were pathetic and clearly low-budget, but I think that may have been the point.  It clearly wasn’t meant to be an Oscar contender, but I just don’t know what it was intended to be.

However, it wasn’t a complete waste of time.  My sister and her fiance watched it with us, and Sher got up to use the bathroom right as the credits rolled.  N took the opportunity to get our daughter’s tricycle from the back porch.  It’s a standard red-and-white Radio Flyer and very similar to Robert’s final embodiment.

Anyway, N set it outside the bathroom without a word…and when Sher opened the door, every second of those 82 minutes became totally worth it.