Number of separate family Christmas celebrations attended:  3

Number of purses given to Miss T for either Christmas or her birthday:  3

Number of computer games received by AE for Christmas: 2

Number of Wii and/or Gamecube games received by AE:  6

Number of Wii/Gamecube games received by N:  3

Ergo, the total number of video games received as gifts this holiday season:  11

Number of hours I spent rocking Guitar Hero (solo) at my in-laws’ house:  2.5

Number of stores in my hometown in which seasons of NCIS are available on DVD:  1

Number of stores that carry the season of NCIS that I actually want:  0

Glasses of wine consumed by me, per evening:  2 (on average)

Number of dresses given to Miss T for either Christmas or birthday:  8

Number of tiny humans available to wear cute girly dresses:  1

Number of days in the week:  7

Number of egg salad sandwich cravings I have had in anticipation of getting one at the local fancypants deli:  approximately 1 per day for the last month

Number of egg salad sandwiches consumed by me:  ZERO, BECAUSE THE DELI HAS MYSTERIOUSLY REMOVED IT FROM THE MENU

Number of family members that got engaged on Christmas Day:  1

Number of molars sprouted by Miss T:  3

Number of compliments regarding my kids’ piratey-themed garments given by my mother, despite her previous horrified assertion that pirates and/or skulls are worn exclusively by gang members:  2

Number of crackers consumed by Miss T during her first encounter with Ritz:  9

Number of U.S. dollars required to purchase an entire tiramisu cake from Carino’s:  43

Number of times AE has been told to stop picking his nose, for the love of God:  2,394,092